Well heck... i don't know what to say now... its just totally interesting, sean is going full on insane, tony isn't exactly all respectful of other's belongings, i think i got bill stuck on amy, i think amy is realizing that i'm not into her, i'm still stuck.. i probably need 1500 to pay for the gap insurance and theft insurance since i have those financed through the loan, i haven't been feeling healthy lately... been getting dizzy a lot and waking up light headed and such, i need to take my bike in for a service, i need to do my laundry, i gotta sell my car, i think i'll give my deck and speakers to ashley if shes gonna keep the car, i suck for giving that cd player to karalee... it really turned out to be a piece of junk after a couple months, my head still freaking hurts, i have to remind myself not to dry my whites in the freakin laundry machine that burns clothes like some pyro is going off on a can of gas and a cat, i'd like to get elyssa something for her birthday, maybe go in on a digicam with karalee and ashley, realistically, i don't have the money yet... this next paycheck is all that i'll really have, and its like 280... so lame, i forgot that i have tips though, i paid my tithing off and thats pretty much why i dont' have any money. I think i'm breakin down, but not all that insanely, i've been worse, i've cried. i can cry though... i can... and i'm reluctant to do my laundry, just because i have to get up and wait for it, and i also gotta get my butt to ino and work there... yea, this sucks... but i'm just making things worse... i tend to do that, it normally takes me or someone else to help me realize that it could be worse, or to enjoy the small things, to not stress out, to love life, to love people, to love me... i tend to forget...... lately, all sorts of girls have been calling me. weird i know.. when did i get popular, when did i get actually, uh... attractive (so it seems) haha. people make me laugh, i don't understand them, but yet i act like i do...


more later..

I think its too good to be awesome...
Too good to ever happen...

I can't not think, i'm just all alone all the time, even when I'm not. Theres always time to think now, more then ever, less to think about, but more to unknowingly concentrate on. So there are times that I wanted to cry. Reason I didn't? There are better things to cry over.

I've never dated anyone, as much as I wanted to; as much as i want to. Sometimes I think that I'll meet the right one to start with. Sometimes I think that I've already met her. I hate being dumb, especially about things I don't know about, common sense isn't it. I wish there was some kind of known polarity. Ever been hurt? I haven't. Should I know? Most likely, and I don't know what I'm missing.

Why am I not like other guys? Is that a good thing? Why can't I be seen... whatever, written words aren't working for me.

Its like I'm a camera in a movie, you know i'm there, but you act as if i'm not, you show things for other people, you do things for other people, who are you off the set? You don't care, I don't care... I'll stop rolling... but the show will go on... important enough not to be important.